


Deserving

by IheartJack0023



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartJack0023/pseuds/IheartJack0023
Summary: One-Shot. [Sanji x depressed!OC]





	Deserving

"You haven't been eating as much," Sanji pointed out to her.

"I know," she replied simply.

"You've lost weight."

"I know." Sanji sighed. He was less than pleased at her curt answers. He saw her briefly look up and eye the food on the plate. He could see deep longing in her eyes, but rather than accept the food, she pushed the plate away from herself and tilted her head back down.

"Sorry," she told him. "I'm not really that hungry." She started twiddling with her fingers on her lap. Sanji said her name softly.

"We both know that that's not true," he said. She gulped. She interlaced her fingers together, pressing her hands tightly against each other.

"Sanji," she said barely above a whisper. "Just let it be." Sanji shook his head, though she didn't see it because she kept her gaze down.

"No," he stated firmly. "It's my duty as the chef of this crew to make sure that everyone on this ship is well fed." She didn't respond to that. He gently called out to her. "Tell me what's wrong." She lifted her head to look up at the blond man before her. He caught the guilt evident in her eyes as she shook her head at him.

"You're not trying to lose weight like this, are you?" He asked her. "I know that some—"

"No!" She said, her voice much louder than before. Her eyes widened and she tilted her head back down. She bit her lip nervously. "That," she explained, "that's just a consequence."

"A consequence of what?" He questioned, but she just shook her head again. She shut her eyes tightly and grit her teeth as the dark thoughts that usually swirled around in her head became louder.

'Look at what a terrible person you are,' they told her. 'Making poor Sanji worry. He's such a good man and look at all the trouble you're causing him. You told yourself that you loved him, but that can't possibly be true. If you really did then you'd be making things easier for him, not harder. But here you are instead, making things worse again. Just like you always do. You're always ruining everything.'

Her breath started to quicken. She hated this. She hated all of this. But mostly she hated herself for being this way.

'It's all your fault,' her mind told her. 'All your fault for being this way. Making everyone around you worry. Just because you can't handle things like everyone else can. You're so pathetic.'

She heard a deep voice say her name while warm hands touched her shoulders. She opened her eyes to meet a beautiful, blue one filled with concern. She felt her eyes start to water at the sight.

'He's so caring and amazing and beautiful,' her mind said. 'And look at what you're doing. Shouldn't you be making him happy? Shouldn't you be doing something of worth? Or are you so stupid, so useless that you're incapable of doing that? You're so worthless. What are you even doing here? You don't deserve this. Any of this.'

She broke. Tears started to stream down her face and she couldn't control it as the loud sobs wracked her body. She saw Sanji's worry increase tenfold and saw him move to embrace her, but she quickly moved out of her seat by the kitchen counter and stepped back.

"Don't," she said, her voice cracking. She continued to walk backwards while Sanji stared at her helplessly. When her back hit the wall and she couldn't move away any further, she slid down into a squat, bowing her head and digging her hands into her hair, tugging at the locks. Sanji called out to her again.

'Well, there you go ruining everything again,' her mind told her. 'You can never just hold it in, can you? You always have to have your stupid breakdowns and make people worry. God, you're so selfish. Why can't you think about others' feelings? You're so weak. And so annoying. With your stupid, stupid self-pity. Well boo-fucking-hoo. Get over it.'

"No," she said aloud to yourself. "I'm not..."

'Yes, you are. You're such a burden to everyone around you. You're so damn worthless. You don't deserve—'

She snapped her eyes open as she suddenly head her name to be met with the sight of Sanji squatting down in front of her through her teary eyes. She hated the deep frown that sat on his face.

'All your fault,' whispered her mind.

"I don't," she choked out.

"You don't what?” Sanji asked her.

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to be on this crew, to be on this ship, to have any of you in my life. I don't deserve to have any of this. I don't even deserve to eat." Sanji's eyes softened, but they grew sorrowful at her words.

"You do deserve those things. All of those things. And so much more."

'Liar,' her mind said. 'He's lying to you. He just feels bad for you. That's what you always do. Make people feel bad for you. Pathetic. So pathetic.' She shook her head at Sanji.

"You're just saying that," she told him. Sanji shook his head in return.

"I mean it. Every single word." She didn't respond as she let Sanji pull her to him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she dug her fingers into his crisp, clean shirt.

'You're ruining it,' her thoughts said. 'Ruining a perfectly good shirt. Ruining things again. That's all you're good for.'

She gasped and tried to pull away from Sanji, but he only tightened his grip in response. She didn't struggle for long and let her head rest against his shoulder. She tried her hardest to push the thoughts away. She tried to focus on something else. So she focused on what was right in front of her: Sanji.

She inhaled his scent and let it envelop her completely. She let him drown out her thoughts and all of the negativity that floated around in her head; let him consume all of her senses: she felt the soft material of his shirt, his warm breath against her skin, his soft hands gently running through her hair; she listened to the sound of his even breath as his chest rose and fell at a moderate pace; she smelled the nicotine that clung to his form intermingling with the smell of the spices that he utilized on a daily basis. Her sobs died down and once the tears had stopped streaming down, she tilted her head to look up at his face and let her eyes run down from his soft hair to his swirled eyebrow to his radiant eye and down to rest on his goatee.

She brought her eyes back up to meet his gaze, which held relief. God, you thought, he really was perfect. She sighed as she felt her dark thoughts trying to worm their way back in at that thought, but just as they began to surface, Sanji spoke, distracting her from them. He said her name gently.

"Hmm?" she replied. He stood up and pulled her along with him. "Let's get you something to eat, alright?" Her eyes dropped and she sighed.

"Alright," she said, but her tone sounded like one of defeat. Like she was agreeing because he wanted her to, but not because she wanted to. Sanji's concern rose back up as he warmed up the food that he had offered her before.

He needed to do something about this, he thought. He wasn't sure what yet, but he would find a way to help her.

"Thank you, Sanji," she said softly as she accepted the plate of food that he placed before her. He heard the hollowness in her voice and frowned.

He would find a way to make things better for her, he resolved, if it was the last thing that he did.


End file.
